That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
