I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
