dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
