it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
