So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
