Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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