I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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