she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
