I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
