currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
