So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Houston, we have a blender
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
