nut hugger
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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