im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
