you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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