You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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