I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm really busy with my period
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