My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
