what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize