I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
