just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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