dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
