I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize