I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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