I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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