you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
