I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize