I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
