Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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