Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
