fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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