Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
