Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
