I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
