Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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