In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
