I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
