i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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