Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize