i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
