He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
