I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
