I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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