You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
