My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
