I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
