In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
In America we eat man semen.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
