I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I need help removing her.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
