Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
