hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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