no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
