I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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