I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
