Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I am one with the molecules
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
