so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
