he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
