he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
