I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
