Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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