literally had 100 drinks last night.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I want to be your penis for a week.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
