Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
