Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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