I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
