For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
pray to the hookup gods
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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