you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
