Your dad touched me again.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize