with your own penis?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
