lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
