OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize