Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
