Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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