yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
