East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
