do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
did i just pee glitter
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
