like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
