Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
