Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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