So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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