well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
