Whod you bang
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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